Local food farce

Congratulations to everyone for such inspiring stories. For those who feeling a little despondant that they may have been "locally impure" with the odd cup of bioregionally imported coffee I have a tail that will make you look like a saint.


I was working on Christmas day which I didn't anticiptate being such a problem. How wrong I was. Like the rest of you I had put quite some thought and planning into what I would eat on the big day. Breakfast was easy. A simple meal of ripe guava, banana, bush lime and locally produced honey. Actually it was so good it was three simple meals. Then I went off to work. I should mention at this point that my workplace is in the middle of a large army base.


My preparation prior to the day was simple. As I've mentioned in a previous post I had identified that cheap, unprocessed food is local and outrageously priced sugar or salt saturated stuff is imported. There is nothing inbetween. So I went to the Honiara market and had a good look around. As an apetiser I bought some bananas. I'm hooked on these tiny sweet bad-boys! For main course I chose a traditional dish. The name seems to vary but sounds like Kissa. Its shredded sweet potato and casava soaked in coconut milk with gnarly nuts (like peanuts) and then wrapped in banana leaf. This is then cooked on a brazier (a wheel rim full of coals normally) and can be eated hot or cold. They are amazingly rich, filling and tasty. Desert was a similar sweet version. Banana and shredded coconut soaked in coconut milk and cooked in a leaf.


As I walked across to the mess with a colleague I explained the contents and reason for my mysterious parcel of foods. I should point out that armies are kind of strict. About EVERYTHING. Because there are around 1000 people, most of them 8 to a tent in the tropics during wet season they are nothing short of fastidious about food hygene and safety. An outbreak of gastro would spread through here like a tsumani. For this reason your handwashing is supervised and only when approved are you allowed into the mess. Similarly there are rules about taking any food with you out of the mess - specifically that you can't under any circumstances. The reasoning is sensible. Once you leave with food you may not store it appropriately and might make yourself sick.


All the food served in the mess is imported from Australia twice a week. Even the fruit which grows so well here comes from OZ. Only the bottled water - which is monitored by Aussie environmental health officers - is locally produced. I knew this so had already ruled out any of the mountain of Christmas fare which was on offer in the mess.


What I didn't know was that the entire base was a food quarantine and for the same reasons of safety no local food was allowed on the base. As I approached the mess having just finished my concise explanation of the local food challenge I was asked by a soldier on the door what was in my bag. Without thinking I proudly announced "my lunch!" "Fraid not mate" was the friendly but firm reply. With that the soldier unlocked (!) a contaminated waste bin and put my bag of tasty local supplies (which by now were causing a fair degree of salivation) in it. "Plenty of better gear inside anyway mate"


As I'm a vego my christmas lunch comprised roast potatoes and soggy carrots. Ho freakin ho!

Below: entrance to the mess, its nice they leave their assault rifles at the door.